The Conestoga LAN Party Saga
An epic tale of intrigue, stupidity, humour, and all-night gaming
The first attempt at running a LAN Party, really blew. CSI(Conestoga Students Incorporated) had no interest - as if they ever did - in holding LAN parties. They are too used to running events that evolve around loud music and the sale of alcohol. The idea of a 'computer party with games' blew their minds three ways from Tuesday. In short, this first attempt at a LAN party died very swiftly.
The procedure to get the first Conestoga LAN Party approved was quite a copious quantity of work. Beginning with an adventure to Physical Resources, I was told that if I got permission from Security Services, the events could take place. The adventure to Security Services prompted me with the answer that if Physical Resources said I could do the event, we could. Basically, I had to go between the two departments a great many times. Eventually I was given a 'yes' by both sides for an all-night game-o-rama.
Oh boy, the first Conestoga LAN Party. What a sight, the first LAN Party held at Conestoga College. Some people have laid claim to running LAN Parties before I have, but they are basically telling a lie. What makes a LAN Party? The room, the cables over the floor, the DDR(Dance Dance Revolution), the SSBB(Super Smash Bros. Brawl), and the fact we are using our own computers in a room that is not a computer lab. Not to mention the aforementioned 'LAN Parties' weren't official Conestoga College events; So balls, I ran them first, suck it.
This event laid the ground work for people to be generally useless. You couldn't comprehend the vast amount of times I answered the same fucking question about the LAN Parties. My response started to become, "read the web page or FAQ(Frequently Answered Questions)". This wasn't too much of a success, because people like Jarret Hagen and Jean-Claude Durand started to answer the questions for people, defeating the point I was making, by trying to get people to read the god-damn FAQ. When I asked Jean-Claude Durand to stop letting people not research and be lazy, he expressed how he liked making my life as annoying s possible, the miserable little fuck.
I didn't get to the best problems until the first Conestoga LAN Party was over. Basically, Linksys and D-link(all cheap home) routers can't handle more than around ten computers. They just don't have enough processing power and/or RAM to handle that many connections. So anyway, we started to drop computer connections all around. This blew because games no longer worked, as there was no connection to each computer anymore.
We needed a good router and Computer Services at Conestoga College was glad to help us out for the next LAN Party. The second LAN Party was fine, but I was getting the impression it wasn't fine. I paid too much attention to Jean-Claude Durand. He always had the same vacant, sad look of pain and anguish; I was just too naive to realize it.
The third and fourth LAN Parties were okay, short one large misunderstanding. I was under the impression that Sasa wanted to do more work for the Conestoga LAN Parties. In fact, he wanted nothing to do with the administration, just to give the visage that he was doing something. This all culminated when Sasa got kicked out of school, news coverage at '6.
At this point in the LAN Party saga, I was losing my mind. Seriously. I was too stressed out with the stupidity of some people at the LAN Party... We were ordering pizza since the Food Services at Conestoga College was closed(they close around 17:00 on Friday). The manager of Food Services didn't like the fact we were getting our food elsewhere. We didn't give him first dibs on our cash. This is where the infamous Barry Milner (head of Physical Resources) comes into the tale. Ugh, long story short, "You have to get the pizza from Chartwells," shouted an enlarged, angry Mr. Milner.
Anyway, all was made good by a summer of no LAN Parties. In the coming September, a new year LAN Party was planned. This is where the LAN Parties started getting really interesting. As Jrod points out, this is where Mr. Milner tries to get the LAN Party epically thrown into the Party Van.
Mr. Milner didn't like the fact we were running LAN Parties, since the school is closed at 23:00. Here's the part you don't know. All of my contact with Physical Resources from LAN Party one through six was through a very nice lady, right below Mr. Milner in the food chain. When I asked for all-night LAN Parties, she understood what I meant and didn't see a problem. Since we already had permission from Security Services, and we were using our own 'stuff' for the event, why not let students use the school that they're paying for?
When she filled out the official LAN Party paper work, unknown to me, she obscured the event's ending time. Why, do you ask? Very simple. As much as nobody in the school saw a problem with us being here after 23:00, Mr. Milner did. She knew Mr. Milner would have a problem, so she fudged the lines so we would be okay to run the event. We always ran the Conestoga LAN Parties to 08:30 the next day, with Mr. Milner's permission. He basically signed off on a blank cheque. He said we could run the LAN Parties, when he didn't even know when they were actually ending. The Conestoga LAN Party has now become a full fledged representation of Mr. Milner's incompetence. Mr. Milner set out at all costs to get the LAN Party vanned.
Sadly, Mr. Milner's attempt to van the LAN Party, was a fail. As previously mentioned, Mr. Milner was the only person that had a problem with the event being all-night, because the event showed all of Conestoga how much of a useless road-block his job is. All we had to do to get the event approved was go over him, to Michael Dinning, the President of Student Affairs. This did hurt, because the lag-time to get answers from Mr. Dinning dramatically increased the time for the LAN Party to be processed. The setup procedure changed from instant, to taking months.
Mr. Dinning told us, "just do it"(without infringing upon Nike's Trademarks) and run the Sixth LAN Party. After that, the event happened just like the rest. All-night game-o-rama madness. We needed to play Savage more, but sadly more stupidity happened. Jean-Claude Durand would say mind bogglingly stupid things like, "I won't play Savage because the re-spawn timer is stupid!" Yet this same winner played Counter-Strike, which has the most amount of time before you re-spawn in it. I can't understand that one at all; good job being a cunt, Jean-Claude Durand.
The next LAN Party was under the headlights of Mr. Milner again. The seventh LAN Party was prohibited from running on-time. All of Mr. Milner's incessant whining that we shouldn't be allowed to have a LAN Party resulted in Mr. Dinning telling me to wait an extra few weeks as he ironed out details.
Conestoga LAN Party Eight was a roflcopter of great laughs. Oh boy, where to start with this golden gem. We had the people from the 'LAN Party Association of Ontario' show an interest in our LAN Party. Don't let that name fool you, it wasn't anything special; Just a webpage where you could find out about a few LAN Parties in Ontario off of some stupid board. Low and behold, they recently shut down their website. Bang up good job there LPAO.
The other great part of this LAN Party was the fact that people parked in the wrong parking lot, again. This time, security just ticketed all cars parked in the wrong lot, and some people thought it was my fault. Balls, balls I say. So after the eighth LAN Party, we called it quits for the year, to focus on school(yeah right) and shit like that.
Ninth LAN Party - The Final Countdown. A new year, same plan from Mr. Milner. To get the LAN Party vanned. Sadly, this time he did a much better job. Yet, all his work was for not, as all he accomplished, was to piss off the school and students. His attempt was ultimately an epic fail. The following is an exert that I typed a while back:
Here is the Fantastic Conestoga LAN Party discussion to date.
When this year started I wanted to get off on the correct foot for Conestoga LAN Parties. Christopher Graves (head of CSI) said that if I got an official CSI club, that all LAN Party problems would be taken care of. At the same time as the CSI club being created, Kristin Higgins (teacher from CPA) got in contact with Julia Biedermann (chair of CPA).
While CSI was telling me I just needed a club, Ms. Higgins who was talking with the upper management of the school, had a different story. Ms. Higgins talked to Ms. Biedermann, who talked to Barry Milner (head of physical resources).
Mr. Milner told Ms. Biedermann that the school is closed at 23:00, and people are not allowed to be in the school for non academic reasons. He mentioned that there is footwork for CSI to be in the school after hours for their events.
Ms. Biedermann asked Mr. Milner about the hiring of security for the event, but since there is no official policy, that would not 'cut it'.
Throughout this time, Mr. Graves said he has been in communication with Michael Dinning (vice president of student affairs) about this issue, and would get in contact with me via e-mail. The following day I asked Mr. Graves about the LAN Party, and was told I would be contacted by e-mail. No electronic mail was sent.
A month before the LAN Party was scheduled to occur, I asked Mr. Graves about what has happened. Mr. Graves told me he thought everything for the event was solved, or good. Once informed about what Mr. Milner said, Mr. Graves said to me that he would be in communication with Mr. Dinning.
Finally, last week, a meeting between Mr. Dinning, Mr. Graves, and I, happened. I was told by both that they are still 'working on' the LAN Party issue... Mr. Dinning said that he never thought about hiring security to be in attendance for the event. I told Mr. Dinning that the head of Physical Resources, Mr. Milner, has already stated that hiring security would not be enough to allow the LAN party to be authorized.
Basically, it seems like no one wants to allow the LAN Party to happen. If something does happen, they don't want to get in trouble. Even though we already had eight perfect events... Let's ignore it, and maybe it'll go away. More details to follow.
Inconceivable! It is very strange we needed security services at this LAN Party. The school already pays for all night Security Services. For LAN Party one through eight, Security just walked through the room(the LAN Party was in) to make sure all was good, every hour or so.
But anyway, we got Security Services(Barber Collins) to provide us with a security guard. For a low, low, discounted price of $300.00 for seven hours of work. All was good when the security guard showed up, saw the LAN Party was doing fine and left. When he came back, he brought a bag, took out a laptop, took out a power connector, plugged the power connector in the wall, took the DC plug and plugged it in to his laptop, and played games, all-night-long. That's right: We paid $300.00 for a security guard to play games at our LAN Party.
Tenth LAN Party. The end. Here's another exert from the Tenth LAN Party:
The security services at Conestoga College, Barber Collins, charges around three-hundred dollars for security services. Here's the income statement from the last LAN Party.
LAN Party Nine:
Beverages ... $75.00
Food ... $90.00
Barber Collins Security Services ... $300.00
Total Expenses: $465.00
LAN Party Admission ... $5.00
Total Revenue ... $125.00
From the above noted figures, the last LAN Party was not even remotely cost effective.
The LAN Parties required me to do copious quantities of leg work. LAN Parties one through eight required me to notify security services about the event, book the room with Physical Resources, and acquire the rights to use Computer Services equipment. Originally, this work was all done face to face, and I got instant approval.
Recently, because of Physical Resources resistance to the LAN Parties, I have been having to circumvent the normal channels, and speak directly to a very busy man, the Vice President of Student Affairs, Michael Dinning. This added communication has dramatically extended the time required to plan an event.
Security Services(Barber Collins) at Conestoga College requires us to have 'security services' at the event. Strangely enough, the school already pays for twenty-four hour security services. This event does not require any additional security services, like a regular CSI event which entails the sale of alcohol.
For the school, and therefor the students, to have to pay for security services to be in attendance for an event such as the Conestoga LAN Party, is laughable, at best.
The understanding was that we were to pay for security services for the ninth LAN Party, as a 'litmus test' for future events. Now Barber Collins is just treating this event as a cash-grab. They know we do not need additional security services, we know we do not need additional security services. At the ninth LAN Party, the guard provided by security services did nothing until he pulled out a laptop, sat down, and played games all night long.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"
On principle alone, I cannot condone paying three-hundred dollars for this fallacy.
I think that explains how well the tenth LAN Party went. I've given up on this bull-shit.
So, what should you, gentle reader, take away from this story? What goes up, must come down; Never get involved in a land war in Asia - Take your pick.
It was a good run while it lasted.